hello people. long time no see. hope you all had good Christmas and you got what ever you wanted and if you dont celebrate it i hope you had good tie past couple weeks anyway . but lets face it the new years literary 2 days away . and honestly not sure how its gona go down. having troubles everywhere i go and the dissertation still not typing as i meant to do feel like maybe just maybe i will start new year wrong way. need joy and excitement. if nothing else at least have some bits planed and have my years list as always. hopefully will be actually able to do things. even now im trying to embrace it even just my uni stuff as big year for it next year as be finaly finishing this 3 ears of suffering. so have plenty to do . main things is to finish of 2 try out pictures and then type up the 500 words of the day. defo not as easy as typing up the blog post thats for sure. but for now just waiting for 2015 to come. i will be making a vlog/haul from christmas and new years and in mean time im always on instagram @disspossable . i hope you have great new years celebrations
Past couple days i have been looking trough my old sketchbooks from my a levels and foundation level and even from 1st year in university and it seemed that they are more interesting more creative more experimental than anything i do now . Just had this like a sudden realization that maybe im not as creative as i used to be. Like i now have some kind of restriction despite being more free to do any work i want. In some sense i understand why im not too keen on it. And well that is cos of the hatred towards uni but same time shouldnt that be the place where i actualy express my feelings into? I cant exactly make my self be relaxed and do work lol . But i think my plan of action is to get a good size sketchbook no a5 nonsensse and start doing it for my self not for uni not for selling and ot for anything else. Almost out uni anyway sobe plenty time to concentrate on it . I tnink main thing is to get the mind motivated and be ok
outfit of the day from couple days back.
been updating my art page if anyone is interested . i thought i show some insight in my old sketchbooks. there is still plenty to be put on.
So hee i am standing looking at the empty space i call my final wall to hand in kind stuff . And all these thoughts run trough my mind like how much i want to trow everyone’s stuff in the bin cos they have chosen to leave it next to my space . How much i want to go home, how much i dont want discuss how empty my wall is with the rest of the group . Sometimes i just dont want to even remotely socialize with the people around me . I know im a bad person but i just dont care . I dont care even this much of how everyone elses work is going and how have they made or not made progress and it just goes against my morals to go fundraise for an exibitin that will take place in university where i already pay 9000 pounds a year for to give them more publicity on my cost . Honestly i ill rather shoot my self lol . Yes i am being extremely negative about this but i cant be f ed to deal with this . We meant to become independent artists etc etc etc yet everything is based on working with people not by your self but in a group . I just can not take it no more ..
Yes im officially living world of lies .. lies of why im never on time lol. Today was absolute murder to get up was ment be in uni by 9 but im still in Nottingham wich is not a good start considering that the print room closes at 3 not 5.30 like usual . Its beyondly pissing me off but im up and runiing . And having a bit of treat of caffe nero chocolate and coconut cream frappe mmm yes its the way to live lol . Feel quite full tbh . And while killing time jhere i happily found some work out challenge apps to get me motivated specialy with chrismas and new years eatings lol . But ack to the point . My minds just so so out there today . Im still not sure what im doing but im doing it . Thats why making list in the train and ticking jt off too hopefuly hopefully
Todays job . Blank wall.. its great to fail . Cant do f all today . But at least came in printed everything that needed to be printed and painted my wall so thought time head home . A bit to write up when on way to notts. Just feel quite yuck the smell of cheap emulsion is literary killing my insides and i just feel like trowing up. But have no time to be ill . Thought if vet home early then can try sort bits for essay and some other that just need be finished tomarrow frame shopping. Hopefuly cheeply. Is this a geat day… far off . Honestly i think i just need proper sleep the joy of nightmares is not really helping my madness so just rolling with it i gues,,