Jobserch once again..

Finally finally on my last week of uni. Had big hopes that be able to work all week but nothat would be just too muchto be asked. So ended up spending couple hours job serching and applied to about 7 jobs. Kinda low but its the serches in the field of printmaking rather than rando  jobs.i just want a stable job at moment not really matter what . Cos u know need pay rent etc. This been driving  me insane lately but i guess thats what happens when the joys of being the child finishes.one week and ill have to be a proper grown up lol. Like that is litterary ever going to happen. But at least the thought is there .

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Change in thoughts

So hee i am standing looking at the empty space i call my final wall to hand in kind stuff . And all these thoughts  run trough my mind like how much i want to trow everyone’s  stuff in the bin cos they have chosen to leave it next to my space . How much i want to go home, how much i dont want discuss how empty my wall is with the rest of the group . Sometimes i just dont want to even remotely  socialize with the people around me . I know im a bad person but i just dont care . I dont care even this much of how everyone elses work is going and how have they made or not made progress and it just goes against my morals to go fundraise for an exibitin that will take place in university where i already pay 9000 pounds a year for to give them more publicity  on my cost . Honestly i ill rather shoot my self lol . Yes i am being extremely  negative about this but i cant be f ed to deal with this . We meant to become independent artists etc etc etc yet everything is based on working with people not by your self but in a group . I just can not take it no more ..

i want to be skinny again

This is it yesterday it struck me heavily . I’m fat again. I hate it . Cos work I dnt have time to work out at day time and at evening I’m usually too tired to be bothered to do anything yet it does not stop me eating like a little piggy . So I think its time to take action. I gona cut down munch for everything I eat ill do 10 squats like did in good old days . And need come up with routine that can actually work for evening time rather than just skipping it . Like kate moss said nothing tastes as good as skinny feels . Could not agree with that more. So I think its time for action . Finaly .

30 day blogging challenge day 15

Day 15 : where you will be in 5 years

This is a though one I think . Cos to be honest I don’t know where ill be hopefully in good apartment and with a printing business happening and maybe start thinking kids and stuff and kind just have good life started. Its all a bit of mystery for now but that’s kind of current plans

thoughts on weight and stuff

so must say it have recently struck me down bad time. i have a winter tire and im really not happy about it.  i noticed even when was in scotland at my boyfriends i felt really shy about it and if i had just like my bra on or a short top and i had to sit down i put my arms around my self to kind cover my belly.  and i honestly avoid mirrors.  i have a large mirror in my closet and if i have change clothes or something my back is always turned to it.  i feel ok if everythings covered but if need show skin then its like nooo…  just feels like some weird mental thing or something.  but i dnt know just gona try work out every moment i get and cut down on crazy much and portion sizes.  cos i felt so good last summer where now i litterary feel like a fatass.  and im not ok with it and something need be done.  so today gona mesure everything and see what needs improvements the most and then just work out. all the time. specialy now when the uni is practicaly done, 

so heres a pic of me.  no shame. but wearing my new top from h&m. got it yesterday well pleased.

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finaly back to work outs

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so its official im in day number 3 of nor,al work out range every day.  so get that fat off and them muscles back cause i want to wear some shorts and i dont want my legs wigling about.  not this year.  thos year is the year for change and good stuff.  so fuck fat lets do this. but must say as alwats as increase the work out load my tummy been grumbling nom stop too so need be aware that i dont stuff, y face with cakes.  ok maybe a tiny bit cake just to say hey i can aford to eat cake lol look at my flat tummy lol one day. hopefully soon. 

f it im blasting out the sauna belt

Ok yesterday I setped on the scale again and believe me I was not happy. I wanted to cry a little and yes I went and had a cokie cos I felt sad wich made it all even worse . But I’m taking action. I’m blasting out sauna belt. It have always been big help for me to feting back to good shape. And I’m wearing it all day today . As am working on my room moving about non stop too . So gets me sweating bit more . Did my everyday work out too . So feel pretty pleased . Sugested work out music ? Bloodhund gang lol no joke . So I’m trying to dance abot just them couple extra movements always helps. I will not lose out on good shapes this sumer . Must do even better than last year ! Feel pleased at moment must say 🙂

ok im fat

ok it have came to my attention.  well it happened last night that i have gained like 2kg. .. im not happy at all.  i need get back in shape i mean what happened.  i had such good mesurments last summer. and i am determined to get back to it.  no mather what it takes. it gona be hard but ill do it.  so i thought i need organise and start things new and fresh.  besides the bloging challenge ill be strating 2 more challenges.  1st being 30 days without bread that includes wraps all the pastries and that kind good stuff to.  which i think will get me losing weight instantly cos i love dougnuts and them chocolate bunthings and all that kind stuff.  im giving it all up.  plus my insides be happier too as wel my tummy does not like too much bread.  and second challenge i gona restart my bum challenge as i been doing it but the days have been skiped etc etc but now im ready for it.  good body here i come

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