past couple days been thinking about the internet and the realization of people with in it. basically like a week ago me and my boyfriend was shopping around charity shops as we were looking about this girl approached me and said she watches my video etc and obvious me totally failing got supper shy etc and all i could do is blush and say thanks. the more i thought about this the more it kind of makes me realize the 5000 people flowing me on youtube are actual people lol its like suddenly they have a face it’s no more just a number on my screen. i just dont know. its like my brain have had sudden realization there is people there not just me rumbling about nothing . must say it was great feeling to be a somebody for 2 seconds.
Its great to feel that i have definitely made the right choice with the man im with . Despite all the zig zags we had its them little moments that make me realise its been woth more than i could ever give. Like when woke this morning turned to look at him and he moved looked at me and put out ghe most beautiful smild there is and it just felt like the bestest thing there is . Feel happy .
Todays job . Blank wall.. its great to fail . Cant do f all today . But at least came in printed everything that needed to be printed and painted my wall so thought time head home . A bit to write up when on way to notts. Just feel quite yuck the smell of cheap emulsion is literary killing my insides and i just feel like trowing up. But have no time to be ill . Thought if vet home early then can try sort bits for essay and some other that just need be finished tomarrow frame shopping. Hopefuly cheeply. Is this a geat day… far off . Honestly i think i just need proper sleep the joy of nightmares is not really helping my madness so just rolling with it i gues,,
day 21 : what makes you sad
well im usualy trying to be pretty positive about things and what ever is happening eyc. with all the there is something good in everything thats bad motivation but things that mainly make me sad is seeing people i love being upset or simply unhappy about something. thats usualy the thing thats gets to me if can pass everything else thats one thing that kind makes me think about things.
My official 1st day back to normal life. Feel tired and unhappy and need go to uni and preferably not kill anyone . Just feel so sad going away from my boyfriends and come back to notts. Always feels like escape from normality with actualy something nice and happy for change. And then the big return like today brain just refuse to function. Feels like walking around in autopilot. Not happy not happy at all..
so i finaly ended up buying some new shoes from office as in sense had no other choice as my platforms are literary fucked and i can not walk in them properly no more as im still month to go till my student loan i decided to just settle for some shoes and then when have time and money buy ones i actualy love. so i ended up seing these in office. i will be doing unboxing video about them. but i put them on today and as much as i like how the shoes looked by them selves i feel like i hate them. and i hate them bad time, its like shoe by its self is great but when its on feel like it makes my legs look mega mega and just i dnt know maybe its just doesnt go with my outfits or something i honestly dont know. dont you ever get that feeling its weird. plus when was walking down the street i just felt so normal lol which made me rethink what f ed up image of beautiful i have lol.
its official it is 1st day back to the every day exercising and seemed ok so far but now when just sitting here felt a bit like my dinner is working its way back lol so not a good start . but u know its the first day tomarrow 1st proper training since back too so see how that goes but im just trying to stay positive and just roll with it .