so it’s finally officially my last weekend as a student. this is literary it. what gona kill my brains now lol. also starting the next week fresh as a good little person with waking up at 7 to start work at 8. lol i was even thinking about getting a bike so i could roll to the work and save money and get skinny legs at the same time lol definite grown up thinking there. but honestly not sure that can believe that pretty much this is the end for my education at least for this time being. its been very very quick. i feel like now i need find new almost like purpose or even better a goal to aim for till now was to finish uni which now is ticked off just need wait till graduation that’s in september but in sense that just lie celebration not the end cos the end is now. even got a cute card from my parents and boyfriend graduating me . i thin this is good time to look at my one day list again and see what could be my next big aim in life. its like suddenly all these exiting doors have opened and i wana go thru them all. lol ok im definitely not a grown up yet.
Hi people , hope you had good easter or if your still celebrating hope your having fun. But that’s not the subject of the day , basically yesterday I discovered that this girl have made a drawing of me . Must say I was pretty amazed. Besides the fact its total copy of me but also that someone would do that . Never thought something like that would happen . Cos you have all these nice people etc and they picked me . Must say felt and still do feel well overwhelmed . I just wana run and yell yay I’m a somebody now lol
Just got good news from my mum she got the job she just so happy now . Wich makes me feel like things gona change and turn for better at least for now. Just my boyfriend to charm the interview people and we be on a role . So fingers crossed for that well forgoten better life . Just thouht i share a goodness of the day .
So hee i am standing looking at the empty space i call my final wall to hand in kind stuff . And all these thoughts run trough my mind like how much i want to trow everyone’s stuff in the bin cos they have chosen to leave it next to my space . How much i want to go home, how much i dont want discuss how empty my wall is with the rest of the group . Sometimes i just dont want to even remotely socialize with the people around me . I know im a bad person but i just dont care . I dont care even this much of how everyone elses work is going and how have they made or not made progress and it just goes against my morals to go fundraise for an exibitin that will take place in university where i already pay 9000 pounds a year for to give them more publicity on my cost . Honestly i ill rather shoot my self lol . Yes i am being extremely negative about this but i cant be f ed to deal with this . We meant to become independent artists etc etc etc yet everything is based on working with people not by your self but in a group . I just can not take it no more ..
you may ask what is stopping one to be truly happy , must say in past couple weeks time i have discovered that it is always people involvement. ill specify that . the people who you may not want to be as involved as they want to be. it feels like ongoing thing couple weeks to get over madness then when you start think oh you know its not to bad . someone comes along and disturbs it again and this vicious circle keeps going on and on and on. its like there is no escaping it. which leads me to think is there really possibility for better life if other people are involved. obvious i want a few people in my life but would it effect their lives for better too if i do something about mine. but lets face it some changes need happen. job for a start would be nice change . but that seem to never to happen. sadly .. but at least uni is going well at moment. went to this art and thereness elective obvious at previous day email argument with the teacher person which was obvious fun but other ways been not too bad have plan with plenty things to do but right now im thinking bit job search shower and pink panther cartoon marathon . that will defo be improvement of my life. hah
As I previously mentioned , every year I make a list of things I want to do till my next birth day, so as I got a new beautiful planer I thought its time to start working on it . Most of the bits are doable and must be done but some are a bit out there just to keep me motivated . At moment have 17 points obvious ill probably add something at some point but this is what I have now
Finish 3rd year in university (kind of obvious need finish what started )
Find a job (cos being poor is no fun)
Find an apartment (this is a biggy. But honestly feel ready and good to go)
The good measurements (work out my insides get skinny again)
Go to london x5 (must go london see people . 1 time already down)
Go for a massage (why not never been for a professional massage)
Go on a trip (holliday , call it how ever you want it but it must involve plains and definitely not involve latvia lol)
Buy the good perfume (yes dior all the way . Been a while)
Buy the good bag (I think these 2 points will encourage me to work more)
Join gym (want to get skinny again)
Pierce ears x2 (need get them ears finished finally I mean been over a year since my last piercing)
Get a tattoo x3 (so many planed so need get some finally done)
Get 6000 flowers on youtube (I managed 3000 last year so another year another 3000?)
Sell hand made things x30 (need money)
Take part in art contests x4 (need get noticed)
Read a book x30 (really want to get into reading more so thought I put it in the list)
No more junk food ( want get skinny . So far failing lol)
This is my list so far . Hope it gives you some ideas maybe for your new years resolutions . Any suggestions be sure to leave comment
it will be my 22nd birth day next tuesday (25th november) and honestly i have never looked more forward to my birthday in my life. well for starters my parents gifted me a trip for me and my boyfriend to go to london which im super sicked about as been months upon months since last been there. come to think of it last time i was in london was january… disappointing all the way. but at least have ticket now so am good to go . without a plan yet tho as need consult my boyfriend and pretend we will do things he wants lol. but going back to birthday idea. bit background – every year since who knows when i have made a list of things i want to do that year . usually trying keep it realistic and just adding couple crazy ones to keep me motivated obviously i have never completed the whole list . in my brain its kind of impossible but for a change i actually feel like i could do it this year . i will post the final list on here when its done as still feel like couple bits need be added. plus for this years list i decided to mix it up and trow in some random mini goals, i think thats why i feel it will be easier achieve all of the things on there . so fir now next 2 days ill be for start working my ass off to finish my dissertation draft as need be handed in monday morning and will be enjoying extra binging on food and other bits that will be cut out after my birthday day to achieve some of my goals.
another thing i wanted to mention , i have not posted anything for a month here but i have been posting on my youtube channel . even was a bussy bee today and added new video this morning ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8uXMYMQmxM&feature=youtu.be ) but now on to typing the essay .
I have literary no luck work ways. I get work is work and work is needed cos one needs money to spend . I’m not complaining about the actual work I’m complaining about the fact that I’m not on the tomarrows list for people who gona work meaning I shouldn’t be working but if I don’t go I can face the chance that I might get a warning for it . Cos people have got that before which in my eyes is unacceptable. Meaning be paper work leters etc etc . Like I’m not meant to have job where things work properly .
Day 14: photo of someone you can’t imagine your life without
No question about it for this one. Its my beloved boyfriend . He means absolute everything to me . I’d go trough hell and back for him . And I’d never ever will let anyone take my place in his life . He’s my everything and I couldn’t be more great full to have him here with me .
All happy signs of jealousy in me. No shame lol no shame. As per always been browsing my facebook and have noticed that literary everyone I know is going somewhere and doing things where I’m like no money need stay home and look sad lol. Cos seriously sometimes I just don’t get it. They same as me students not rich etc yet seems like everything’s possible in their lives. I mean what is this scosery lol tell me your secrets . I want be somebody too .