new ideas and new start

happy-first-birthday

it will be my 22nd birth day next tuesday (25th november) and honestly i have never looked more forward to my birthday in my life. well for starters my parents gifted me a trip for me and my boyfriend to go to london which im super sicked about as been months upon months since last been there. come to think of it last time i was in london was january… disappointing all the way. but at least have ticket now so am good to go . without a plan yet tho as need consult my boyfriend and pretend we will do things he wants lol. but going back to birthday idea. bit background – every year since who knows when i have made a list of things i want to do that year . usually trying keep it realistic and just adding couple crazy ones to keep me motivated obviously i have never completed the whole list . in my brain its kind of impossible but for a change i actually feel like i could do it this year . i will post the final list on here when its done as still feel like couple bits need be added. plus for this years list i decided to mix it up and trow in some random mini goals, i think thats why i feel it will be easier achieve all of the things on there . so fir now next 2 days ill be for start working my ass off to finish my dissertation draft as need be handed in monday morning and will be enjoying extra binging on food and other bits that will be cut out after my birthday day to achieve some of my goals.

another thing i wanted to mention , i have not posted anything for a month here but i have been posting on my youtube channel . even was  a bussy bee today and added new video this morning ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8uXMYMQmxM&feature=youtu.be )  but now on to typing the essay .

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thoughts on weight and stuff

so must say it have recently struck me down bad time. i have a winter tire and im really not happy about it.  i noticed even when was in scotland at my boyfriends i felt really shy about it and if i had just like my bra on or a short top and i had to sit down i put my arms around my self to kind cover my belly.  and i honestly avoid mirrors.  i have a large mirror in my closet and if i have change clothes or something my back is always turned to it.  i feel ok if everythings covered but if need show skin then its like nooo…  just feels like some weird mental thing or something.  but i dnt know just gona try work out every moment i get and cut down on crazy much and portion sizes.  cos i felt so good last summer where now i litterary feel like a fatass.  and im not ok with it and something need be done.  so today gona mesure everything and see what needs improvements the most and then just work out. all the time. specialy now when the uni is practicaly done, 

so heres a pic of me.  no shame. but wearing my new top from h&m. got it yesterday well pleased.

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just 1 of them days

My official 1st day back to normal life. Feel tired and unhappy and need go to uni and preferably not kill anyone . Just feel so sad going away from my boyfriends and come back to notts. Always feels like escape from normality with actualy something nice and happy for change. And then the big return like today brain just refuse to function. Feels like walking around in autopilot. Not happy not happy at all..

no shame casual ootd

image

its just one of them days when u just feel like the more u try to look like someone the worse it gets lol so here is me with my super casual look.  but rocking my new head phones.  (more on them in next post )
top: primark,  3/4 sleve with kind of crochet top part,  wearing size 6
trausers: 24studio.co.uk,  just casual black skinny jeans, wearing size 8
bag: matalan
spikes: gifted

just a freaky day ..

been such long day and its only what half past 3 in day . just keeps draging on . i think its the mega storms fault. just all the trains stuff and what else not. so im happily at home trying to look like im actualy doing something not just sitting about looking at idiotic picture like the crazy cat lady lol but i saw like the cutest owl video tho lol. but gues some work finally need be done as it is handing in next week so put sponge bob on and will take on finnishing stuff off .

Stupid-of-the-day

30 day random blog challenge : day 25: would you rather date someone plain with good personality or someone good looking but with plain personality?

Must say it have to be good personality I mean who is a person without good personality ? A nobody . So def good personality and plain looking cos everyone is gorgeous some people just dnt see it . Or you can hit the jackpot and be like me who dates good personality and really good looking lol . At this point I must say no worries on the edge . But 1 thing I think if u date someone you should be proud of showing them off and talking about them and be proud to say yeah this is my other half . Cos if its nt that then there is some things not going right way .

its like i make up for looking bad yestrday ??

Ever felt like u question ur self? I know I do . Specialy about way I look. Say like yestrday and today I’m literary having 2 worst looks in long time . so it kind made me look back and think about it and its always this thing I do say I feel like I look down the hill today I kind will try make up for it tomarrow and try extra hard to look better. Is that weird? A bit lol but then again I feel like I have to make up to my self to look better like I let my self down if I dnt feel like I look nice in my own eyes . Specialy now that back in uni and want look nice going there . Lol but my tired look is so nt doing it . So I thought I share this disturbing pic of my self when I was in latvia this summer looking like a tramp .lol the best way to go haha

goths at work

If you have style of your own and u definitely don’t fit in with the norms then unless your lucky at least at 1 point in your life you will have to change being of ur self for couple hours every day to become “appropriate” for the working enviroment. Just because u simply want eat and dnt want live in cardboard box under a bridge. Since I been working since start of the year I feel that despite still having same look outside work it just feels like I’m losing the things and the look that I love and want . I must say in some sence its nice that no 1 overly judges u by way u look and dnt say that ur an idiot just beacuse all ur face is painted or something but same time it sucks so bad I miss my make up and stuff and just simply being able to express your self the way you want and ur left with these f ed up limitations that some1 somewhere have came up with its ridiculous . One can’t be one self this way . no wonder lots of people feel depresed even when they do work in their dream job and are somebody and still feel that they have to be “normal” looking to get somewhere and moment u say what u actualy thing they just show u the door. Think people should try stand ground more for what they want and not what the society asks for . Freedom of expression is needed heavily . Cos otherways we lose our souls and real needs from life