Jobserch once again..

Finally finally on my last week of uni. Had big hopes that be able to work all week but nothat would be just too muchto be asked. So ended up spending couple hours job serching and applied to about 7 jobs. Kinda low but its the serches in the field of printmaking rather than rando  jobs.i just want a stable job at moment not really matter what . Cos u know need pay rent etc. This been driving  me insane lately but i guess thats what happens when the joys of being the child finishes.one week and ill have to be a proper grown up lol. Like that is litterary ever going to happen. But at least the thought is there .

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Change in thoughts

So hee i am standing looking at the empty space i call my final wall to hand in kind stuff . And all these thoughts  run trough my mind like how much i want to trow everyone’s  stuff in the bin cos they have chosen to leave it next to my space . How much i want to go home, how much i dont want discuss how empty my wall is with the rest of the group . Sometimes i just dont want to even remotely  socialize with the people around me . I know im a bad person but i just dont care . I dont care even this much of how everyone elses work is going and how have they made or not made progress and it just goes against my morals to go fundraise for an exibitin that will take place in university where i already pay 9000 pounds a year for to give them more publicity  on my cost . Honestly i ill rather shoot my self lol . Yes i am being extremely  negative about this but i cant be f ed to deal with this . We meant to become independent artists etc etc etc yet everything is based on working with people not by your self but in a group . I just can not take it no more ..

Blank wall

Todays job . Blank wall.. its great to fail . Cant do f all today . But at least came in printed everything that needed to be printed and painted my wall so thought time head home . A bit to write up when on way to notts. Just feel quite yuck the smell of cheap emulsion is literary killing my insides and i just feel like trowing up. But have no time to be ill . Thought if vet home early then can try sort bits for essay and some other that just need be finished  tomarrow  frame shopping. Hopefuly cheeply. Is this a geat day… far off . Honestly i think i just need proper sleep the joy of nightmares is not really helping my madness so just rolling with it i gues,,

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Mail sent lets do things

Sent out the pack for my lovely giveaway winner so thats atleast done . Still so much to do for uni specialy but seems like I just do everything else instead. But im determined to get stuff done im even ticking things off in the list . Just waiting for my mum to leave so can pack up the christmas gifts too so thats out of the way . Till then tho seems like I meant to bee a pillow for tiny cat poor thing seems frozen . Got love  tiny cat she so cute

Tried to add picture but word press just not letting me so just posted it on my instagram @disspossable . Feels like it gona be long day today so better get going .. another day at home . Oh the life I lead

the s&m pony

At least the pony is painted so just to get hanged on the wall when get in after that the hour to kill till another group critique . Always feel like people are not completely honest with me about my work .instead of saying I don’t like that its extremely offensive just take it off your wall they try to find some weird deep meaning to what’s what . I’m not drawing a fetish pony cos I have weird urge to see dressed up horses , I do it cos the sketch of a gas mask for horses turned out good and I wanted to take it to the next artsy level. but hey according to my art tutors its not good enough to base idea on. I still sometimes wonder have I wasted 3 years of my life with doing a fine art course . In college it was different, I actually felt like I’m learning something where here I’m not too sure I actually have. Besides obviously improving my hatred towards group activities and possibly putting me off ever wanting take part in group exhibition . Pretty sure its not what I’m meant to be learning here . But on the bright note . Its my birth day tomorrow and ill be nice and far away from this hell hole . At least for a day to get my head together . Feeling pleased